{"product_id":"desperado-club-bottle-opener-dungeon-crawler-carl-inspired-card-bottle-opener","title":"Desperado Club bottle opener– Dungeon Crawler Carl inspired card bottle opener","description":"\u003cp\u003eNew Achievement Unlocked: Desperado Club Member\u003cbr\u003eReward: One (1) bottle opener, since you can’t be bothered to open your beer with your bare delicate hands. Probably because you have small hands.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWelcome, Crawler. You’ve survived long enough to earn access to the Desperado Club—where the drinks are strong, the décor is sharp, and the fun actively hurts. This dungeon-inspired pint glass features an elegant sword design, baroque filigree, and the unmistakable motto:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSO FUN IT HURTS\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePerfect for opening beer bottles, or quietly contemplating the terrible choices that brought you here. Whether you’re celebrating survival or mourning party members who didn’t make it, crack a cold one open for your fallen crawlers.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e⸻\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e⚔️ ITEM DETAILS\u003cbr\u003e • Steel construction \u003cbr\u003e • Design: Permanently laser-etched (no vinyl, no fading, no mercy)\u003cbr\u003e • Theme: Dark fantasy, dungeon humor, cruel-AI energy\u003cbr\u003e • Care: Hand wash recommended (dishwashers are boss fights)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e⸻\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e🤖 FLAVOR TEXT\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e“This item grants +1 Confidence, +2 Regret, and a passive buff against giving up. Side effects may include sarcasm, inappropriate laughter, and an urge to re-read the books.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e⸻\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e🎁 PERFECT FOR\u003cbr\u003e • Dungeon crawler fans\u003cbr\u003e • Readers who enjoy dark humor and worse decisions\u003cbr\u003e • Nerds, gamers, and fantasy barware collectors\u003cbr\u003e • Gifts for people who think ‘fun’ should come with consequences\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e⸻\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e⚠️ DISCLAIMER\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis item is fan-inspired and not officially licensed. No crawlers, talking cats, or sadistic AIs were harmed in its creation. The dungeon reserves the right to mock you.\u003cbr\u003eCheck out the Hizev website for other creators awesome creations\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Rosetta Stoned Studios ","offers":[{"title":"Desperado Club Horizontal","offer_id":47985814241528,"sku":null,"price":8.01,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Desperado Club Vertical","offer_id":47985814274296,"sku":null,"price":8.01,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"You Will Not Break Me","offer_id":47985814307064,"sku":null,"price":8.01,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0803\/6047\/2824\/files\/02DDE652-2047-4574-82A4-D1BC9E3CC6E2.jpg?v=1770951222","url":"https:\/\/rosetta-stoned-studios.myshopify.com\/products\/desperado-club-bottle-opener-dungeon-crawler-carl-inspired-card-bottle-opener","provider":"Rosetta Stoned Studios ","version":"1.0","type":"link"}